As you would expect, the Government Services Administration dotted all its i’s and crossed all its t’s before it made the controversial move of announcing that it had decided to move the regional Environmental Protection Agency headquarters from downtown KCK to lifeless and languid Lenexa.
That much became clear with Monday’s announcement that the Government Accountability Office (GAO) had rejected an appeal by the current EPA landlord that the GSA’s decision was incorrect.
Lenexa…I can hardly imagine a worse place to live, work or visit.
I know a woman who lives there, and she has no concept of what urban living is like and seldom leaves the suburbs. She might as well be living outside Lawrence…Also, she can’t get any dates, even though she’s a Merengue instructor.
I know another woman who lives there — might be gone now — and after she got divorced, she couldn’t get any dates, either.
I know another woman who lives there, and she’s across the street from a cemetery. Must be great fun on Halloween. (She doesn’t need any dates; she’s elderly and has a nice husband.)
By the way, the second woman — the divorcee — I actually dated her (as well as her sister)…before she got married and moved to Lenexa. And the Merengue instructor…I would consider dating her, if I wasn’t married and if she didn’t live in Lenexa. (Neither qualification appears likely to go away.)
Oh, and another thing. There’s a cop out there, a guy named Michael Bussell, who’s the biggest law enforcement jerk I’ve ever run across.
Here’s the story on him, briefly: In the course of writing a blog about Zach Myers, the 16-year-old Lenexa youth who was killed in an auto crash in Olathe last year, I called Zach’s parents and interviewed them. They later regretted having talked to me, so they called the Lenexa cops. Officer Bussell called me and told me that if I attempted to contact the Myers family again, I could be charged with harassment.
As I continued my reporting on the case, I ran into a young man who also had had a run-in with Bussell. At my mention of Bussell’s name, the young man shook his head and said, “What a dick.”
So, as you can see, I don’t particularly care for Lenexa. What a backwater.
Where was I? Oh, yeah, the GAO has ruled in favor of the GSA, and the EPA will probably be moving to the former Applebee’s world headquarters building at 112th Street and Renner Road next summer.
The current EPA building
KCK still has one last chance, however. Recently, the Unified Government of Wyandotte County and Kansas City, Kan., filed a lawsuit alleging that the proposal of UrbanAmerica, the EPA’s current landlord, was superior to that of the company that owns the Lenexa building. I don’t expect the UG to win that one, but it could delay the EPA’s move for months.
So, I thought you’d like to see what the new building looks like…Here it is, then, in all its glory.
I’d like to show you what’s around it but, unfortunately, there’s nothing to photograph.
Good luck, EPA!
JimmyCsays: At the juncture of journalism and daily life in KC 
Dating two sisters who live across from a cemetery–I’d pay to see that movie….You should invite Hendricks to respond to you ad Lenexem attack. But before you get all city mouse v. suburban mouse, you must realize that most of KC proper has more suburban characteristics than urban. Just one example: A city has to have sidewalks–on all its streets, on both sides.
Damn you, Harwood! Can’t you keep my girlfriends straight? I clearly said the one who lives across from the cemetery is elderly and married to a nice man. I never dated her, even though I am a senior citizen myself…The one I dated lives (or lived) pretty close to the same cemetery, but her sister never lived anywhere near a cemetery, as far as I know…The one I would consider dating (under certain aforementioned circumstances) lives near a highway, not a cemetery, and teaches the Merengue out of her house.
Got it?
I hope you did that photo shoot of the old and nasty-stark Applebee’s with a spy camera and in disguise, perhaps as a meter reader or postman. There are rumors on the street saying that dick officer Bussell has a pickup order out on you!
Yeah, Spanky, he might just pull out the old Fitzpatrick-Myers file, dust it off and decide to charge me on a seven-month-old “harassment” case…I’ve always shown respect to law enforcement officers, but that guy obviously has a distorted view of his importance…I guess he doesn’t understand that Lenexa is a tenth the size of Kansas City, in both square mileage and population. Slumber on, Lenexa!
I want a bumper sticker that reads “I DON’T LIKE LENEXA”
Phenomenal idea, Ted (and welcome to the Comments Department).
I’ve got another idea: You know how Kansas City’s official song is Wilbert Harrison’s “Kansas City”? Well, I think the official song for Lenexa should be Ricky Nelson’s “Lonesome Town.”
…”There’s a place where lovers go to cry their troubles away, and they call it Lonesome Town, where the broken hearts stay.”
Jealous? I like Lenexa
Subburbs with out side walks on both sides of da street. So you have been to Ruskin Heights. Rebuilt the storm damaged homes in 1957. One car garage(s), no shelters, no side walks. Selling for about the same as in the 1960s!
It’s one thing for a private business to move from the urban core, quite another for a federal agency to contribute to urban sprawl. Chris Lester did a wonderful series on this in the Star a few years ago. As urban centers get hollowed out, we all pay the price.
I was thinking, if we had a president who cared about the inner city, something might get done about this. But I guess the guy is pretty busy right about now …
Highway to Hell might be more appropriate than Lonesome Town. Independence is trying to cut a deal with the Winehouse estate for Rehab. I’d also suggest Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” for Overland Park.
This move is an MMA-quality kick in the nuts to KCK. This will have a HUGE impact on a number of mom and pop restaurants in KCK that see a good number of those 600 folks every day for breakfast and lunch. It will be eons before that building will be leased, repurposed or repopulated. I do hope that Mayor Reardon can get the Pres on the batphone and get a stay of execution on this decision, because even all that tax revenue from the Legends, flowing like the River Styx into the KCK coffers, won’t make up for this loss.
Lenexa–Native American word for “bland, one level office building”