JimmyCsays: At the juncture of journalism and daily life in KC

On a cold day, like today, it helps a body to find something to get worked up about — something to get the blood flowing a little faster.

So, after lunching with a friend, I returned home and retrieved the KC Star from the sidewalk.

Within minutes — that’s how long it takes to get through the paper most days — I had found my blood-boil…I mean blood-warming…fodder.

Our good ol’ editorial-page buddy Lewis Diuguid had weighed in with a 617-word, Op-Ed Column that was simply impossible not to read. I tell you, I could not put it down!

Lewis

Seems that Lewis and his domestic parter Bette recently took a trip to the Mayan ruins. Along the way, Lewis buttonholed a bunch of people to ask what they knew about Kansas City and, if they knew about it, what they thought about it.

I gather that he was surprised at the reaction.

Sample:

“When people asked where we were from I’d proudly say, ‘Kansas City.’ Many responded, ‘Oh, I’ve never been to Kansas.’ “

Hah, hah, hah…ho, ho, ho. Good one, Lewis! Really? Some people outside our area think Kansas City is in Kansas! Well, knock me over with a strand of wheat.

Kansas, Lewis went on to say, “kept sprouting like unwanted sunflowers in conversations.”

(Lewis, buddy, I’m dishin’ out an A-plus for that simile. What felicitous phrasing!)

“People from other countries and the U.S. vacationing in Mexico wanted to know,” Lewis declared, “what one might see and do in Kansas.”

Well, I’ve got to hand it to Lewis…He must have really been on his A-1, sales-pitch game, stirring up acute interest, like he did, in what the heck is going on back in Kansas. Either that, or those vacationers he was running into were pretty damn bored with the Mayan ruins and whatnot.

So, to brighten their vacations, Lewis regaled them with vivid descriptions of the Country Club Plaza, the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum, the American Jazz Museum and Crown Center.

But wouldn’t you know it? Some yo-yo from somewhere responded by saying, “What’s a Crown Center?”

Oh, Lewis! Now there’s a knee-slapper! What’s a Crown Center? I hope you told him it was a crown with the center missing…Or a city center with a giant, rolling roof shaped like a crown. Now that would’ve drawn ’em to KC instead of the Caribbean on their next vacation, huh?

The column was building toward an incredible climax as Lewis recounted his encounter with a young archeologist at the Mayan ruins. (By the way, Lewis, how’d you like those ruins? You didn’t say. Not as impressive as Crown Center, huh?)

Subjected to Lewis’ brutal interviewing techniques — honed over decades of investigative reporting and riveting commentary — the young archeologist allowed as to how he knew Kansas City was in Missouri…In fact, he had even been here!

The archeologist proceeded to ask Bette where she was from, and, according to Lewis, she set the record completely straight. Didn’t pull one punch.

“She said the Bay Area but she now lives in Kansas City.”

Then, of all things — as Lewis tells it — the curious young archeologist asked Better whether she’d gotten used to Kansas City.

Hang on now, readers, I swear we’re closing in on the climax…

Bette proceeded to describe the vicious summer heat and the “merciless amounts of snow” in the winter. (I’m pretty sure Lewis was still talking about Kansas City, although I guess he might have inadvertently spilled over into St. Louis or Chicago.)

Pressed further by the young archeologist — just as dogged an interviewer, apparently, as Lewis — Bette allowed as to how, no, she really hadn’t gotten used to Kansas City.

“And you never will,” says the young archeologist, who, remember, HAS ACTUALLY BEEN HERE.

Then, Lewis delivered the kicker:

“Kansas City travelers have to learn to grin and bear others’ misimpressions of our great town.”

Yep. Yep. You got, it Lewie…grinning and bearing…bearing and grinning…bearing, bearing.