I’ve been thinking about what to do with these poor Republicans, since it’s clear from this blog that Kansas City doesn’t want them. (See multitudinous comments from last post.)
Fortunately for the Republicans — and us here in KC — I have come up with a solution:
I suggest they look to an area that has not one city but more than one. So, I nominate the great Quad Cities.
Yes, the Quad Cities — Davenport and Bettendorf in Iowa and Rock Island and Moline in Illinois.
Wikipedia (my go-to source for just about everything) says there’s actually a fifth Quad city — East Moline — so I think we should start calling them the “Cinq” Cities. Done! And better yet, as far as my proposal goes.
Those are all Republican-tilting cities, I presume, being relatively small cities in Iowa and outstate Illinois, so we could expect the residents to receive them with open arms.
Here’s one of the beauties of this proposal: To avoid the hassle of sealing off an entire city for a week, the Republicans could move the convention around — one day in Davenport, one in Bettendorf, etc.
That would give the convention a fresh look every day, not only for the conventioneers but also for the zillions of people who will be watching this scintillating drama (Who will they select?) on national TV.
In addition, the residents of any one of the four (five) cities wouldn’t need to have their particular city sealed off all week. You’d seal off Davenport one day, Bettendorf the next, etc. (See the pattern I’m getting at?)
We could call the entire extravaganza “The Republican Shuffle.”
Now, I’m not saying this is the perfect solution because there is that business of hotels and strip clubs. I doubt that there are enough of either to go around in the Cinq Cities.
However, I’m sure buses could be arranged to carry the Grand Ol’ Party boys over to Cedar Rapids on the Iowa side and Rockford and Springfield on the Illinois side. Hell, if they would knock off work early one day, they could even truck on over to Chicago — a mere 175 miles east.
Essentially, under my plan, we’d turn over a goodly portion of western Illinois and eastern Iowa to the GOP. But, like I say, the fun would be all over the place. Almost everybody in a 200-mile radius would get a piece of the action.
And I ask you: Don’t we want the Republicans to be comfortable and have a good time?
JimmyCsays: At the juncture of journalism and daily life in KC 
Not sure there are enough rental cars that would be allowed to cross the state line for liquor and contraceptives.
Ah, yes, rental cars…I forgot about that. Well, we’ll just have to ask every person over 16 in the Cinq Cities to loan out their cars to the Republicans for a week. Small price to pay for the thrill of having a drama-filled convention in your city (cities).
“See multitudinous comments from last post”…helps me understand how Jesus was able to feed a multitude with five loaves of bread and two fish! :)
As far as the first comment (from this post) “Not sure there are enough rental cars that would be allowed to cross the state line for liquor and contraceptives” I had no idea that Clinton, Pelosi, and Obama would be at the RNC.
In all seriousness though, I would want neither party to have their “dog and pony show” on our turf. But if it had to be done in this city, why not the O.P. Convention Center. Seems to me that closing off downtown would offset any financial gains by the RNC.
When you break it down, there is a lot of B.S. coming out of both parties right now. I tend to have more conservative viewpoints than liberal, but think that corruption has spread like a disease through both parties right now. Seems like the only choice we’ve been given as of late is a choice between the lesser of two evils. That’s not good enough for me. Maybe one day a “real” independent candidate can win the Presidency, Might be the only thing that would send a message to the Asses and Elephants that we’ve had enough.
Great comment about the loaves and fishes, Jason…Sometimes in blogging it’s necessary to dish out some b.s. in order to restart the engine and get the car moving down the road. You know what I mean…
And you absolutely hit it on the head with the “dog and pony show” observation. The last convention that held out any drama whatsoever was the 1976 Republican National Convention right here in our own KC. Reagan was challenging the incumbent, Gerald Ford, and Reagan fell just short on the convention floor. I’ll never forget how drained and disappointed Reagan looked as he sat nearly motionless in a glassed-in, Kemper Arena suite after the vote.
I got to cover Reagan at that convention. He stayed at the Alameda Plaza Hotel — now the InterContinental — and while waiting for him to move around, I spent a lot of time in the hotel bar drinking and talking to a bartender named “Blackie.” It was a fun and memorable week.
The Lord clearly gave you no sense of humor.
I’m working on it, Jennifer. Every day.