I’ve been thinking about what to do with these poor Republicans, since it’s clear from this blog that Kansas City doesn’t want them. (See multitudinous comments from last post.)
Fortunately for the Republicans — and us here in KC — I have come up with a solution:
I suggest they look to an area that has not one city but more than one. So, I nominate the great Quad Cities.
Yes, the Quad Cities — Davenport and Bettendorf in Iowa and Rock Island and Moline in Illinois.
Wikipedia (my go-to source for just about everything) says there’s actually a fifth Quad city — East Moline — so I think we should start calling them the “Cinq” Cities. Done! And better yet, as far as my proposal goes.
Those are all Republican-tilting cities, I presume, being relatively small cities in Iowa and outstate Illinois, so we could expect the residents to receive them with open arms.
Here’s one of the beauties of this proposal: To avoid the hassle of sealing off an entire city for a week, the Republicans could move the convention around — one day in Davenport, one in Bettendorf, etc.
That would give the convention a fresh look every day, not only for the conventioneers but also for the zillions of people who will be watching this scintillating drama (Who will they select?) on national TV.
In addition, the residents of any one of the four (five) cities wouldn’t need to have their particular city sealed off all week. You’d seal off Davenport one day, Bettendorf the next, etc. (See the pattern I’m getting at?)
We could call the entire extravaganza “The Republican Shuffle.”
Now, I’m not saying this is the perfect solution because there is that business of hotels and strip clubs. I doubt that there are enough of either to go around in the Cinq Cities.
However, I’m sure buses could be arranged to carry the Grand Ol’ Party boys over to Cedar Rapids on the Iowa side and Rockford and Springfield on the Illinois side. Hell, if they would knock off work early one day, they could even truck on over to Chicago — a mere 175 miles east.
Essentially, under my plan, we’d turn over a goodly portion of western Illinois and eastern Iowa to the GOP. But, like I say, the fun would be all over the place. Almost everybody in a 200-mile radius would get a piece of the action.
And I ask you: Don’t we want the Republicans to be comfortable and have a good time?