Saturday night, as Patty and I were getting ready to go out with two other couples to Le Fou Frog, I asked her for some sartorial advice.
I picked up a brand-new pair of Tommy Bahama, sand-colored jeans and asked her if they would be appropriate.
“No,” Patty said without hesitation. “You can wear black jeans or slacks.”
“Ok,” I said and put the Tommy B’s back in the closet and got out a pair of gray slacks.
That wasn’t the end of the conversation, though.
“I don’t know what would have happened to you if you hadn’t gotten married,” Patty observed.
“I would still be wearing brown and hanging out at Harry’s Bar and Tables,” I said, referring to the place where we met (then called The New Stanley) in 1983.
Then, Patty got in the last word…“And they’d be saying, ‘There’s the old guy.’ “
**
That’s a windy lead-in to my subject today: Why many men, when left to their own devices, cannot seem to make good fashion choices.
Taking it a step further, some of the worst offenders are some of the highest-ranking men in my former church — the Catholic Church.
I have never understood why many bishops find it necessary to wear flamboyant regalia at some liturgical functions. It just doesn’t seem to square with the image of Christ, who made a habit of reaching out to those of the lowest social stations — the poor, people with infirmities and disabilities, even prostitutes.
To show you what I’m talking about, below is a photo of Kansas City-St. Joseph Bishop Robert Finn wearing his mitre (big hat) and holding his crozier (ornate staff). He loves that hat and staff and, like many bishops, breaks them out frequently.
But think about it…How often do you see images of Jesus carrying an ornate staff and wearing showboat headdress? Never, right? Sometimes he’s pictured holding a walking stick, and the only head gear I’ve ever seen him depicted with is a crown of thorns.
So where did the bishops get the idea that mitres and croziers were appropriate, or in some way helped instill in the laity the importance of loving God and loving your neighbor as yourself?
The website of the Catholic Resource Education Center says this about that:
“These different regalia all give a certain distinction to the Order of Bishop. They also inspire respect for the office and its authority. While ‘the clothes do not make the man,’ the man must strive to fulfill what the clothes signify.”
Hmmm. I’m still very suspect about this, and I am glad to see that Pope Francis, while he hasn’t yet issued any new dress codes, is putting an emphasis on humility and leading the way by example. Consider this from a 2013 Huffington Post story:
“Pope Francis arrived at the papal summer home, Castel Gandolfo, in a humble Ford Focus, which was a far cry from the luxury cars of his predecessor, Pope Benedict XVI, who travelled around town in vehicles that included a custom-made Renault, a BMW X5, and a Mercedes.”
The story went on to quote Francis as saying: “It hurts me when I see a priest or nun with the latest-model car. You can’t do this. A car is necessary to do a lot of work, but, please, choose a more humble one. If you like the fancy one, just think about how many children are dying of hunger in the world.”
It should come as no surprise, then, that in recent months, Francis has stripped one of the most ostentatious clerics, Cardinal Raymond Burke, formerly the archbishop of St. Louis, of two key posts. Last December, Burke, a leader of the church’s conservative wing, was removed from a prestigious Vatican congregation that helps the pope select new bishops. And just last week he confirmed in an interview with BuzzFeed that Pope Francis is planning to remove him from as chief justice of the Vatican’s Supreme Court.
I said he was ostentatious, and these photos will illustrate what I mean.
While the mitre and crozier are satisfactory for some high-ranking Catholic officials, Burke’s tastes run to a different level.
Here he is, for example, in something called the “cappa magna,” or great cloak.
And here he is in, well, a hat of a different hue…
**
Now, back to that Saturday evening conversation with Patty…If I had not married her, yes, I might still be wearing brown and hanging out in the Westport bars, looking like a 1970s relic. But I’ll tell you one thing: I wouldn’t be wearing a big red hat and a cappa covering my assa.
JimmyCsays: At the juncture of journalism and daily life in KC 
Interesting non sequitur … Fire up the DeLorean or Tardus and go back in time 30+ years to your favorite place (The Stanley in Westport) to sit on the patio drinking your favorite backyard beer with your new wing men, Finn & Burke… Maybe you could have changed the course of history while talking women and fashion! By the way Patty is right, as always. You married well and it changed the course of history in its own way without a time machine.
Haha, that second picture of Burke instantly brought to mind Michael Palin and his performance alongside Terry Jones and Terry Gilliam in Monty Python’s rendition of the Spanish Inquisition.
Here is a refresher…
Just remember, Jim, God is not the problem…it’s just some of his fan club.
Your kicker about the fan club…so true.
…I just got an email from a friend and regular reader insisting that I tell you I am a “kept man” — able to live a life of letters and leisure because of the hard work of “a patient and properly dressed woman in the regalia business.”
That’s partly true. Patty owns and operates a manufacturing business called Fitzpatrick Textiles, which makes robes and other garments for ministers — both men and women.
(What my friend overlooks, however, is my Social Security check and my $891-a-month pension from the McClatchy Corp. for 36 years of hard labor at The Kansas City Star.)
Finally, let me assure you that I model the men’s robes only rarely. And never – never! — do I model the women’s vestments. (She’s got plenty of beautiful models for that.) So, if you want to see some very stylish and tasteful liturgical garments, you can see them at http://www.womenspirit.com and http://www.abidingspirit.com.
Since I’m dishing out credits here, I should mention that my friend Tom Shrout of St. Louis planted the seed for this post when he sent me a link to a story about Cardinal Burke and his outlandish attire.
Some of you will recall that Tom and his wife Debra led the statewide campaign against Amendment 7, a proposed one-cent sales tax increase for statewide transportation projects. Voters rejected that proposal in August by a ratio of about 55 to 45 percent.
Thanks Jim. Not necessary. This reminds me of one of my favorite childhood books by Dr. Seuss, “The Emperor’s New Clothes.” For this reason, as in the story, once a child points out the ridiculousness of the attire (no attire in the Seuss story), everyone points and laughs. We saw Pope Francis about a year ago in Rome. His white robe was similar to what is on Patty’s website…simple and elegant.
I liked that story also, but I remember the author as Hans Christian Anderson.
When I saw that about Dr. Seuss it didn’t ring quite right, but I didn’t bother to check it out. Thanks for the correction, Jason, you would have made a good copy editor!
Aesop’s fables were also favorites of mine growing up. Back when I was a kid, stories like that had a greater meaning than what is put out for children today. I was also fortunate that I had good teachers who gave us lessons on those morals.
Today, books written for children seem to concentrate on humor or entertainment. The kids are lucky if they come out of it with a reading skill.
You said former Catholic, remember, you will always be a Catholic. Good article.
Good to hear from you, Jerry — all the way from Aspen Acres (not in Aspen but definitely in Colorado).
Sixteen yards of silk were ordered to make Bishop Finn’s “cappa.” Not sure what happens to this asset in 7 or 11. Hope it gets upcycled in the settlement!
School superintendents and school administrators always look Nordstroms…the rank and file teacher, Old Navy and Marshall’s…it’s a mindset.
I have a leather jacket that is from the late ’80’s that I am forbidden (by the missus) from wearing off of my property. It is so old, I call it the “Bon Jovi” jacket. My better half said she wouldn’t go anywhere with me if I had that “thing” on. Even, stated that it might be grounds for divorce!
One day I thought I would challenge that. The look she gave me made me go back and pick a different jacket. ;)
I know what you mean, Jason. I have a proclivity for plaid pants — not outlandish (except for golf), just muted. But even at that, I’ve been directed back to the bedroom several times when appearing in them prior to departure.