He was five days short of his 21st birthday.
According to his Facebook page, he liked camping, and his favorite sports teams were the Chiefs and the Chicago Bulls. He read everything Stephen King wrote.
He had graduated from Blue Valley Northwest in 2012 and was finishing his junior year at Northwestern University, where he was studying electrical engineering.
And, blurring that otherwise normal and perfect picture, he suffered from clinical depression.
That was Jason Aaron Arkin, of Overland Park, who died Tuesday at a hospital in Evanston, Illinois.
I didn’t know Jason. Never heard of him until I read his obit in Saturday’s Kansas City Star.
It was one of the most painful and touching obits I’ve ever read. I’m sure many of you saw it and pored over it, as I did. It must have pierced the hearts of thousands of Kansas City area residents.
The obit was written by a former girlfriend of Jason. (See comment from Jason’s mother, Karen Arkin.)
Jason
When most of us look at the obit of a young person — particularly when it is accompanied by a photo of the subject smiling and looking happy — the first thing we want to know is: How did he (she) die?
Sometimes the obit gives no indication; sometimes it says, “after a brief illness…”; sometimes the tipoff is the name of the organization to which donations should be directed.
But I have never read anything like this…
Jason struggled with clinical depression and ultimately passed due to his illness. Jason was one of many young adults suffering with mental illnesses in a time when mental illness remains stigmatized and misunderstood.
“…ultimately passed due to his illness.”
What a gentle, loving way to let the world know how Jason was robbed of his future and wrenched away from his parents, his sister, his three living grandparents, his aunts, uncles, cousins and friends.
One of the greatest gifts of this obit is that it probably got many readers thinking differently about depression and the toll it can take.
In the online Guest Book accompanying Jason’s obituary, one of the writers, Krystal Schmelig of Olathe, wrote:
“I was privileged to have such an amazing student in my very first 3rd grade class. Even more special were the silly, fun summers I spent with him and his sister. I admired Karen and Steve as parents and hoped that someday my own children would have hearts as big as Jason and Jennifer. They were such a special part of my life, I was honored to have them in my wedding. Jason was the sweetest ring bearer. I will hold those memories dear. Thank you, sincerely, for being advocates for the seriousness of mental health.”
The family suggested contributions to the National Alliance of Mental Illness at NAMI.org.
The obit ended with these words from the late Steve Jobs:
“Almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.”
What is important to Jason’s relatives and friends are the memories of his good, short life.
For me, it’s impossible to read this obit and not project what might have been for him…He was a few years from launching into a career, probably as an electrical engineer. Maybe he would have stayed in Chicago. Maybe he would have come back to Kansas City.
But depression came along and got so bad that he not only couldn’t see a year or two ahead, he couldn’t even see tomorrow. And everything but his pain and anguish fell away.
…Dear God, be with Jason’s family and help ease their pain in these, their darkest days.
Good post, Jimmy. Did you notice that now the obits have a link where a really skilled robot reads the text? Kind of like Seri, in a choir robe. A good addition for seniors, who read the obits religiously as they say. The other day you or a commenter opined that the Star may discontinue obits. I disagree. Maybe the nine free lines. But they make serious coin selling the longer ones. And families are happy to do that, especially given that they can now pen them themselves, and pay $50 or so for the photo, and insert thoughtful stories or quotes, eg the Steve Jobs one here.
You did the right thing, with this post, Jimmy. Perhaps atoning for your dreadful ones about Tom Schweich. Here, you let the family tell the story themselves. Because you are not a mental health professional. Or a reporter any longer.
That seemed unnecessarily cruel.
I thought the same things you did, Jim.
Whoa! Guess “if you live by the sword, you die by the sword.” Tracy not only punctured you with the sword…she twisted it!
Jim:
A fine comment on the sad passing of Jason Aaron Arkin.
As for “not being a reporter any longer,” that is complete BS. You are doing more in-depth reporting now than ever!!
Keep it up!
All best,
Laura
Thanks, Laura…Yes, I still have my Jimmy Olsen press card. No expiration date.
Thoughtful and sincere post.
Thank you, Js.
Great job.
I appreciate the compliment, Larry…and, as always, your readership and comments. I hope you’re doing well.
YES. How very sad. I am sorry this young man passed away so young, and my heart goes out to his family. But I was touched by the beautiful honesty and openness with which Jason’s family chose to write his obituary. They broke through the stigma in a way that may end up helping someone who suffers from mental illness.
Thanks for the comment, Denver Vis. I hope you’re enjoying Kansas City. You’ve sure got a great city there at the foot of the Rockies. I’ve been there a few times in recent years. “LoDo” is a wonderful area, with an easygoing feel to it.
Sensitive, thoughtful, loving remarks. Well done. Be Well
Thanks, David.
Yes, the obit Jason’s parents wrote was breathtaking! Thank you for shining a light on a hidden but more-common-than-most-know disease that strikes so many at such a young age. Beautiful and moving piece.
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment, Barbara.
The obituary was written by one of Jason’s closest friends. She wrote it so Jason’s parents wouldn’t have to.
Ah, thank you very much, Alexa…His friend wrote an obit that will stand as one of the most eloquent ever in The Star.
You sometimes see obits that sprawl on for a column or more and tick off achievement after achievement and one membership after another, and yet say almost nothing. Then you have this one — a mere 300 words — that is a painful, powerful tribute to a young man who should be with us today but whose absence may, in the end, advance the battle against mental illness.
(I will indicate in the body of the post text that Jason’s parents did not write it, after all.)
Thank you for drawing attention to the seriousness and potential lethality of clinical depression as well as mental health in general. We have got to change how we view mental illness in our society.
I’ve written a lot about depression in the past year as my daughter had a bad bout with it last fall due to medication. It’s such a terrible disease. I missed this obit because I no longer read the paper every day. Too much content from wire sources, too many ads- not as much substance as when we worked there. Thanks for sharing this. I’ll be sharing on my Facebook today.
I’ve been through it, too, back in the early and mid 2000s. It was very difficult. Thank God the meds worked…
I am so very sorry for your loss. There are zero words to ease the pain but faith in God and knowing that your son is in Heaven and at peace. I will pray for you all during this very difficult time!
Please share my contact information with the family if they’d like to speak with another parent. Here is the article I wrote about my son who died the same way: http://www.aish.com/sp/so/Donis-Life-and-Loss.html
This is Jason’s mom. His first girlfriend wrote this beautiful and moving obituary when we could not even put a sentence together. I told her that I wanted to be frank and honest and respect his pain. He was treated very aggressively and still succumbed to this insidious condition.
We are both neurologists and understand that depression and suicidality are brain disorders, just like Alzheimer’s or ALS. We are going to start a foundation to help de-stigmatize mental illnesses. One day we will better understand and hopefully be able to help more sufferers. But the first step is reaching out and having the conversation!
Thanks you for taking the time to write, Karen. You and your husband Steve and the rest of your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am glad to hear that Jason was treated aggressively. I had no reason to doubt that he was, but unless you’re close to the situation, you never know as an outsider. Please let me know when you start the foundation. I will write about it.