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Danger! “Throwed rolls,” tossed hot dogs and any manner of other oddities

August 13, 2015 by jimmycsays

I guess many of you have heard by now about the woman who is suing Lambert’s Cafe, the legendary “Home of Throwed Rolls,” alleging she suffered a serious eye injury after being struck by a throwed roll last fall.

The plaintiff, Troy Tucker, is seeking $25,000 to cover bills related to a “lacerated cornea with vitreous detachment.”

In June, of course, Kansas City Royals’ mascot Sluggerrr was cleared of legal responsibility for a detached retina that a man contended he suffered from a hot dog Sluggerrr had tossed into the stands. That case was in the courts for five years.

…You might not have heard of them, but several other people have filed lawsuits after becoming victims of strange occurrences.

The long arm of Google has not yet reached out and captured these incidents, but I can assure you each is chronicled in the 1956 edition of Encyclopedia Britannica. You can find them in the “W” book, under the heading “weird and wacky.”

Here you go…

:: Two guys were playing an intense game of ping-pong when one of them smashed a ball that struck the opponent’s side of the table and then rocketed into the opponent’s mouth. The opponent sued, saying he suffered contusions and abrusions (combination of abrasions and bruises) to the roof of his mouth. The defendant (the free swinger) contended that the opponent was in the wrong because he should have kept his mouth shut. He further contended that if the opponent believed he was in harm’s way, he should have donned a fencing mask before the game began.

:: At a KU men’s basketball game, a cheerleader tossed a wadded-up Jayhawk T-shirt toward a student who was hanging over a railing. The T-shirt unfurled in flight, and as it floated just short of the student’s reach, he toppled over the railing, striking the back of his head on a concrete step below the railing. The student sued, contending that the T-shirt was poorly packed. The cheerleader’s defense was that only an idiot would risk his neck for a $5 T-shirt.

:: At Binion’s Horseshoe Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, a playing card that a dealer had flipped toward a player caught a draft of air and sailed up toward the player’s face. Luckily, the flying missile – the ace of spades – missed the player. Unluckily, however, jerking back to avoid the ace, the player’s head collided with a tray of drinks in the hand of a passing hostess. Citing contusions and the aforementioned abrusions, the player sued Binion’s. In its defense, Binion’s contended that it would never take advantage of an honest man.

:: At a piñata party, a 10-year-old girl took a wild swing at the piñata, missed and struck the party organizer – who, admittedly, was standing a bit too close – on the crown of the head. The organizer, bleeding profusely from a superficial cut, immediately called off the party and sent the kids on their way. The girl’s parents sued the organizer, contending that he had endangered the children by failing to immediately stanch the bleeding. The organizer’s defense was: Never take candy from strangers.

Finally, here’s one with a happy ending. Out at Kauffman Stadium one night, during the ketchup, mustard, pickle race, the ketchup kid fell hard halfway through the race and sprained his ankle. His parents ran to his side to check on his condition and consider their litigious options. Fortunately, however, along came Sluggerrr, who handed the boy a hot dog, which he consumed on the spot. The parents decided to leave well enough alone.

 

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Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments

12 Responses

  1. on August 13, 2015 at 8:19 pm John A. Blakeney

    Well, it must be as they say in you business, “a slow news day…! The little stories are a bit interesting, but like it when you get worked up over…say the airport or now that choo-choo train which will someday go down Main St. I can always tell when you get excited — you use big words. NO BIG WORDS TODAY!

    How about a little emotional writing about Madam Hillary or Sir Donald. I feel certain you have a point-of-view about one or both of them.


    • on August 13, 2015 at 10:13 pm Jason Schneider

      Stirrin’ the pot…


  2. on August 13, 2015 at 11:23 pm John Altevogt

    It’s not going to change until we drag a few of the shysters who bring these cases out into the streets and administer a little street justice. What they’re counting on is that the company will fork out the $25K just to get rid of the case given that lawsuits are much more costly.


    • on August 14, 2015 at 7:17 am jimmycsays

      Maybe the judge will find the plaintiff guilty of litigious harassment and order that she be subjected to a throwed-roll pummeling — 100 rolls hurled by Lambert’s employees from a distance of 10 paces. (She’d be allowed to wear a fencing mask during the roll lashing.)

      …My worst fear is that Lambert’s is going to become “The Home of Handed Rolls.”


      • on August 14, 2015 at 7:59 am gayle

        THAT’S your worst fear?! :-)

        I know, I know … figure of speech (I hope).


  3. on August 14, 2015 at 8:07 am jimmycsays

    Double wurst.


    • on August 14, 2015 at 10:18 am gayle

      I LOVE double wurst, especially with mustard on rye!


  4. on August 14, 2015 at 8:53 am John Altevogt

    The judge will never see the case. In NYC an empty bus on the way to the garage had a minor accident. 19 people sued the bus company for injuries sustained while riding on the empty bus and the company settled out for 20K a head.


    • on August 14, 2015 at 10:20 am gayle

      “Virtual” injuries??


      • on August 14, 2015 at 10:45 am jimmycsays

        Very good, Gayle…


      • on August 14, 2015 at 12:53 pm John Altevogt

        Very good, indeed.


      • on August 14, 2015 at 4:25 pm gayle

        Thank you. Occasionally, there’s a spark.



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