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A very special Christmas present — signed, sealed and delivered at a coffee shop on State Line Road

December 27, 2015 by jimmycsays

As most of us have experienced, the best kind of Christmas present — either giving or getting — is one that costs nothing. It is the gift of service, talent and self to someone who needs something money can’t buy.

Such is the gift that a friend and fellow writer, David Chartrand, gave Saturday night to a Prairie Village woman whom David wrote about 37 years ago when she was young and facing a lifetime of harsh physical limitation.

The woman, Dana Wray, has been a quadriplegic since a terrible 1974 car crash — and her life is as difficult as ever.

Having reconnected with Dana through Facebook a couple of years ago, David arranged a reunion aimed at lifting Dana’s spirits. Besides being a writer, David is a musician, and he staged what amounted to a personal concert for Dana at Kaldi’s Coffee, 79th and State Line Road.

The only other people on hand were me, caregiver Kathy Kelly and a few coffee shop patrons who drifted in and out.

I played a small role in the reunion. Earlier this year, I reconnected with David, who worked at The Star in the early 1980s. We met for coffee three times this year — once in Overland Park and the last two times at Kaldi’s, which is in Prairie Village. After David got the idea for the reunion, he asked a manager at Kaldi’s if it could take place there, and the manager kindly obliged.

So last night, while the rain came down steadily outside, David performed a variety of songs, including some great oldies like the Everly Brothers’ “All I Have To Do Is Dream”; The Beatles’ “When I’m Sixty-Four”; Bobby Darin’s “Dream Lover”; and Blood, Sweat & Tears’ “And When I Die.”

 

P1050588

Dana Wray and her caregiver Kathy Kelly listened to David Chartrand sing and play guitar Saturday night.

In between songs, the three of us talked about a variety of things, including Dana’s condition and quality of life.

In addition to her ongoing disability, Dana has had surgery for bladder cancer, and last month she had surgery for colon cancer. On Monday, she will start chemotherapy, which will be administered by pills. No questions about her condition or circumstances are off limits; she talks about all of it openly, and at one point said with a smile, “If you’re around me, you get more information than you need.”

Dana lives in a house owned by her stepmother. She has round-the-clock care and has Social Security, Medicaid and Medicare benefits. Despite her struggles, she enjoys the good times that present themselves, such as last night’s reunion. She especially likes to go to concerts. When I asked her point-blank if her life was extremely difficult, she replied simply, “It’s hard to find good caregivers.”

Her focus, it seemed to me from a few hours around her, is on the practical ramifications of getting through one day and moving on to the next.

**

The crash occurred July 26, 1974, near Savannah, MO, not far from Maryville, where Dana was an education student at Northwest Missouri State University. She was a passenger in a car being driven by her roommate. The car went off the road and flipped onto its side after the roommate over-corrected. The roommate, who was wearing a seatbelt, wasn’t seriously injured. But Dana, who was not wearing a seatbelt, was thrown toward the back of the car, and her body smashed through the rear window. Two cervical vertebrae were broken or severed. At age 20, life as she had known it — and had not foreseen it changing drastically — was over. She had planned on becoming a teacher but was never able to do so, even though she got her bachelor’s degree and later got a master’s degree in social work from KU.

David did not become familiar with Dana’s case until 1978, four years after the crash, when she was living in a Lawrence, KS, nursing home. David was a 24-year-old reporter covering the statehouse for the Lawrence Journal-World, and Dana’s life was in more than ordinary crisis. The nursing home was threatening to evict her because it did not have the finances or resources to care for a person with needs as extensive and time consuming as hers.

Alerted to Dana’s case by a nursing home reform group, David wrote a story about Dana’s plight. Even though the story didn’t even make the Journal-World front page, it caused a firestorm.

A Lawrence resident set up a trust fund and began raising money to benefit Dana. At the state level, several Lawrence members of the Kansas Legislature brought pressure on the Kansas Department of Social and Rehabilitation Services to do more to help Dana. In a matter of days, SRS came up with funds to pay for a private nurse to tend to Dana eight hours a day while she was in the nursing home. A few months later, a special legislative committee embarked on a study of services to people with severe disabilities.

David’s initial story won a second-place award from the Inland Press Association, an Illinois-based organization with about more than 1,000 daily and weekly newspaper members. “It was pretty heady stuff for being a young reporter,” David recalled.

David stayed at the Journal-World for two more years, until late 1980, when he was hired by The Star (actually, The Kansas City Times, the longtime morning edition of The Star). He worked at The Star — where I got to know him — for a few years before going out on his own. He now writes about mental health and does humorous commentary. Currently, he is writing a book about the epidemic of adolescent suicide and depression in the U.S. in the 1990s — an epidemic that he says was not recognized as such at the time. The book revolves around an Olathe youth who was severely depressed and committed suicide at Stull Park in Overland Park.

**

David and Dana were both 24 when David wrote his story about her. Now, they’re 62, and their relationship, if you will, has come full circle.

P1050585The last song David played for Dana was “In My Life” by The Beatles. He looked at her as he sang the lyrics…

There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain

All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends
I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

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Posted in Uncategorized | 15 Comments

15 Responses

  1. on December 27, 2015 at 4:31 pm gayle

    As Linus says in my favorite Christmas special, “That’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.”


  2. on December 27, 2015 at 8:22 pm Rick

    JimmyC: thanks for a great Christmas story. Dave Chartrand is truly a man for others in the Ignatian tradition. I knew him as an exemplary member of the great Rockhurst High School class of 1971. His actions — that you movingly chronicled here — speak directly to that.

    Oh, and by-the-by, your copy editor let you get away with one: wheelchair bound. That description should be a no-no in your style manual.


    • on December 27, 2015 at 9:18 pm jimmycsays

      Good catch on loose wording, Rick; I’ve changed it for the better…I’m glad you’re watching. Every writer needs a good second pair of eyes on his or her work.


      • on December 27, 2015 at 9:42 pm gayle

        I don’t see the change? Interestingly, in “Plums & Prunes” under Related, above, the same phrase is used.


  3. on December 27, 2015 at 9:51 pm jimmycsays

    You’re a good phraseology bloodhound, Gayle…I originally used “wheelchair bound” in the second and third paragraphs but did some significant rewording…It is an insensitive term — I realize now — because it tends to define the person rather than state precisely what the problem or limitation is. It’s akin to saying someone is disabled — another broad stroke — instead of saying he or she has a certain disability.


  4. on December 27, 2015 at 10:42 pm gayle

    Oh … where I noticed it was paragraph eight (or nine, can’t tell because of the picture).


    • on December 27, 2015 at 11:34 pm jimmycsays

      Thanks. Fixed it there, too. This blog is something of a communal effort!


      • on December 28, 2015 at 12:24 am gayle

        Sometimes I feel like I’m nit-picking — and I’m sure it seems that way to some. Don’t want to detract from the importance of the subject.


  5. on December 28, 2015 at 7:50 am BrooksideBob

    Thanks for taking the time to tell Dana and Dave’s story. Heartening.

    I have a special needs adult daughter and, wholeheartedly, agree with Dana, “It’s hard to find good caregivers.”
    Competent AND caring aides — huge issue for persons with disabilities.


    • on December 28, 2015 at 8:30 am jimmycsays

      Dana said her government benefits only allow for payment of $9.52 per hour for her caregivers. I don’t know if it’s standard, but we all know it’s hard to find good people willing to work that hard for that amount of money…Dana’s caregiver, Kathy, the one who was with her Saturday night, was working almost continuously — feeding her bites of a bagel and cream cheese, giving her water through a straw, emptying her urine bag, etc. All the while she had a loving smile on her face. That kind of person is rare, at almost any salary.

      …Since Saturday, I’ve been giving thanks about 10 times an hour for the ability to just get up and move around on my own power. Dana’s circumstances remind me not take that for granted and make all my other earthly irritations seem inconsequential.


  6. on December 28, 2015 at 12:10 pm Lori Wray Shattuck

    Thank you for the article, and for being at David’s show. I’m her sister, Lori, and was unable to attend. Dana is a living miracle, to be sure. What she’s made of her life puts most to shame, and that is definitely not her intention, nor has it ever been. She seems to find her happiness in simple, daily things (AND rock concerts!). Whenever I need a reason to be grateful for what life is putting out there, I think of her and her struggle. I so appreciate you taking time to recognize what that’s been for her.


    • on December 28, 2015 at 12:54 pm jimmycsays

      You’re welcome, Lori…Thanks for the heartfelt comment. Dana should be an inspiration to everyone she comes into contact with.


  7. on December 28, 2015 at 9:58 pm Mail Room Shadow Figure

    Another great Jimmy C story…you are the class act of local journalism. It cracks me up that you don’t get more recognition by today’s establishment media….haters I guess?


    • on December 28, 2015 at 11:14 pm jimmycsays

      You’ve been around, Mail Room man…You know how “the little” stories often make the best — quietly. Thanks very much.


  8. on December 29, 2015 at 6:16 pm Julius Karash

    Thank you for sharing this story, Fitz. It warms my heart. It’s important to stop and remember, at least once in a while, the things that really matter. And that Beatles song has always blown me away. All the BEST in 2016, my friend. If you ever need anyone to do a trade on weekend Metro Desk duty, just let me know.



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