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Parental advice from 70 years ago: “Go with the tide,” write more often…and do mind that spelling

February 15, 2016 by jimmycsays

Although my grandfather on my father’s side was a tobacco man by trade — he had his own company in later years and sold to countries in Africa and elsewhere — he was a terrific letter writer.

My father inherited the letter-writing gene from him, and between the two of them, it amounted to something of a sacred trust. Letters were not only to be written but also to be preserved. Many of my grandfather’s letters — and some of my father’s — have been preserved. My grandfather, Joseph W. Fitzpatrick, who was born in New York City and later a resident of Louisville, KY, wrote regularly to his five children. My grandmother, Henriette Lloveras Fitzpatrick, also wrote a lot of letters.

I learned recently from my aunt, Nanette Eckert — the only surviving offspring of Joseph and Henriette — that when my grandfather wrote a letter to one child, he would make four carbon copies and send them to the other children. That practice ensured a panoramic flow of information.

Recently, one of my cousins, Josephine (Josie) Fitzpatrick, who lives in Barcelona, sent me electronic files of a passel of letters, many of which were addressed to her father, Joseph Lloveras Fitzpatrick, who died at age 89 last June. (I was lucky enough to spend a few days with him a month earlier, when I was in Louisville for the Kentucky Derby.)

Joey, Mimi, Poppy

My Uncle Joey as a dashing young man and my paternal grandparents, Joseph and Henriette Fitzpatrick.

The letters, typewritten and dating mostly to the early 1940s, are a window into the joys, concerns and daily developments in the lives of the Fitzpatrick family. I think you’ll be interested in some excerpts. The letters I will quote from were written by my grandfather and grandmother to my Uncle Joey, who, at the time, was in the Army Air Corps. He went on to become an outstanding artist and taught art at the college level for many years.

My Uncle Joey was more unpredictable and spontaneous than his two brothers and two sisters. In 1958, for example, he and his girlfriend up and went to New York, where they were married, then traveled to Israel, where they stayed for more than a year.

In the letters, you will see that my grandparents encouraged him and, at the same time, tried to drum personal responsibility into him.

**

Feb. 15, 1944, from my grandfather…

“You did not tell us anything about your hours of rising and retiring, also recreation. Would be interested to learn, also, how you are standing the strain of regular exercise and discipline. You are going to find it rather tough, I imagine, but if you go with the tide, instead of trying to buck it, you will get along alright.”

Jan. 28, 1946, from my grandmother…

“Much love to you, dear Joey, from everyone here, which means Daddy, Marie, Bobby (my father), Nanette, Johnny and “Quisette” (the family dog). Aren’t you lucky to have so many people thinking of you? Think of the poor kids who have no one to love them, who never get any letters or anything — it is good to feel that someone is with you in thought, praying for you, is it not? God bless you always. Affectionately yours, Mother.”

Feb. 7, 1946, from my grandmother…

“Why on earth did you not telegraph soon after your arrival at Mather Field — even a card or something?????????”

“Since you do not mind at all, I shall write down the words you have mis-spelled in your last letter, with the correct spelling, and I know it will help you to improve…”

Feb. 19, 1946, from my grandmother…

“You write you only have left camp once, and went to San Rafael (CA), and so have little news to give us, yet you do not say anything about San Rafael. It would be interesting to know what it is like and whether you like the place or not — and what is there to see or do.”

“Now, do try to be careful with your spelling, Joey. Study some of the corrections I am enclosing. You have a good memory and certainly next time you use these words you will remember how to spell them correctly…I know you do not mind my saying this, being your mother, and it is for your own good, after all.”

March 10, 1946, from my grandfather…

“My congratulations on your typing, and I wish I could also compliment you on your spelling. You may not realize it, but it is not improving at all. Even in the case of simple words, as for example “recent,” but spelled in two of your letters as “recient.” I don’t know how you are going to overcome this defect in your writing, but if I remember correctly we sent you a pocket dictionary some time back. I know it is very bothersome when writing to stop to look up the spelling of a word, but I am sure if you do so whenever you are in doubt, you will find within a comparatively short time that your spelling will improve greatly.

“Now for the news. The big event was the arrival Monday at 3:30 A.M. of James Carey Fitzpatrick at St. Joseph’s, where Mary Louise (my mother) and he are getting along very well. At first Bobby (my father) was very disappointed with the looks of his offspring, but yesterday he began to realize that after all, his heir is ‘a very nice looking little fellow.’ “

(Editor’s notes: 1. There’s a saying in journalism when a writer fails to put the most important development first, that the writer “buried the lead.” Well, modesty aside, my grandfather buried the lead in putting his concerns about my uncle’s spelling before the birth of his second grandchild — ME! 2. I’m shocked and appalled to learn my father was initially disappointed in my looks. Wisely, he never told me about his initial assessment.)

March 23, 1946, from my grandfather…

“Dear, Joey: Congratulations on your well expressed and typed letter of the 13th, your spelling, and also your unusual promptness in replying to mine of the 10th. Just shows what a man can do when he is put to the test. Keep up the good work, including the use of a dictionary — or did you use one when you were writing?”

**

After reading these letters, I was feeling a bit sorry for my Uncle Joey for the relentless flogging he took about his spelling. Oddly, in all the writings of his that I saw, I don’t remember a single “mis-spelled” word. Like his father and my father, he was an excellent writer, which means, I suppose, the badgering produced results. Also, I’m sure Uncle Joey — a laid-back sort — took the chiding in good humor, accepting his mother’s assurance, “It is for your own good.”

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Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments

12 Responses

  1. on February 16, 2016 at 7:22 am 43rdplace

    Jim – Great blog! And your dad was right, you are a very nice looking little fellow. With a wonderful middle name!


    • on February 16, 2016 at 8:05 am jimmycsays

      Why, thank you, Kate…That beat-down feeling is passing by the minute.


  2. on February 16, 2016 at 7:56 am Laura Hockaday

    Jim:
    The letters and your comments are delightful!
    Thanks.
    Laura


    • on February 16, 2016 at 8:06 am jimmycsays

      Thanks, Laura. It was a gratifying undertaking. I heard from my cousin, Josie, who enjoyed it also.


  3. on February 16, 2016 at 11:28 am gayle

    I was smiling the whole way through this blog. Ah, for those long-lost days of letter writing. Our parents, especially our father, were frequent letter writers. Such fun, and very touching, to read them today.

    To help increase their word power (and perhaps spelling as well), my father would suggest his secretarys “read” the dictionary when they had nothing to do. I must have gotten my love of words from him.


    • on February 16, 2016 at 12:49 pm jimmycsays

      I know how you don’t like your comments changed in any way, Gayle, but if you ask me nicely, I’ll correct the plural of the word “secretary.”

      (More important, though, I’m glad the post had you smiling…)


      • on February 16, 2016 at 2:53 pm gayle

        I knew it didn’t warrant an apostrophe but couldn’t figure why it was nagging at me. Can hear my father tsk-tsking me. The irony is not lost on me.


  4. on February 16, 2016 at 2:51 pm Bill Dalton

    Jimmy, did it ever occur to you that when your father said he was “very disappointed with the looks of his offspring” that he wasn’t talking about your face?


    • on February 16, 2016 at 2:55 pm jimmycsays

      I’m going to try not to think about it any more, Bill. This has been too upsetting…


  5. on February 17, 2016 at 3:32 pm Kerri Fivecoat Campbell

    I really enjoyed this post. I have letters my parents wrote back and forth during the war and although I inherited them almost 9 years ago when my mother passed, I still haven’t read them all. I wonder how present and future generations will preserve their lives. I guess if Facebook dies, they’re all in trouble.


    • on February 17, 2016 at 7:00 pm jimmycsays

      Thanks, Kerri…Great to hear from one of my former ace freelancers when I headed the Wyandotte bureau…I want it laid out upon the record that I paid my freelancers very well, until the early 2000s, when Star management put the brakes on just about all outside expenses, including source lunches. Then, freelance pay went to hell, and that really bothered me because I knew how much work it took to turn out a 30-inch, well-reported story. Another reason the last few years sucked. It was regrettable.


  6. on February 25, 2016 at 1:04 pm Kerri Fivecoat Campbell

    Thank you, I’m proud to have been one of your ace freelancers. And I didn’t come to work for you until the summer of 2000 and I have to say that you were still one of my best paying editors. I know you fought for me and I appreciate that to this day. As a matter of fact, I quoted you on a contentious conversation among writers about the horrendous HuffPo business model of not paying writers. You once told me that you could always tell if an editor had ever worked freelance by the way they treated their own freelancers. I don’t remember if you ever did work freelance, but you certainly treated yours very well. I had some good mentors early on and you were one of them. Thank you for that.



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