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“Catch them back up” — and do it in a way that makes sense to the readers

July 18, 2017 by jimmycsays

One thing that easily discourages newspaper readers, and understandably so, is stories that leave them saying, “Huh?”

Such a story — an update on the Tour de France — appeared in the print edition of Monday’s KC Star sports section.

The complete, online version contained all the key information readers needed to know, but the print version was a meat-cleaver job.

I haven’t been following the tour closely, but I did know that defending champion Chris Froome of Britain had been leading. So, when I saw the headline on Monday’s Associated Press story — “Tour bike problem nearly derails Froome” — I was interested.

Here’s how the story began:

If Chris Froome rides into Paris next Sunday with the Tour de France’s famed yellow jersey still on his shoulders, it will be impossible to argue that he didn’t earn the win.

In another day of drama Sunday in a 104th Tour full of twists, Froome broke a back-wheel spoke at the worst possible time on Stage 15 — just as his top rivals were picking up speed in front of him going into yet another punishing climb.

With that set-up, the average reader would have at least two questions:

— Did Froome retain the yellow jersey, as overall tour leader, after the wheel mishap?

— If so, what is his overall lead? If not, how far behind is he?

The story went on for seven more paragraphs, but, in its poorly edited version, it failed to answer either of those questions. Instead, the reader was whiplashed one way and another, leaving the overall race status unaddressed.

For example, there was a Froome quote with a weird introduction…

“Panic stations,” he said. “I really thought that that could be the yellow jersey changing shoulders again.”

“Panic stations?” What the…? Why quote that? It doesn’t track.

That was immediately followed by a curious use of imagery…

“Like a hound chasing prey, Froome hared off after Romain Bardet…”

I suppose the writer was using the verb “hare” in the sense of the tortoise and the hare. But, then, why bring in the hound?

There was one more brain twister…

“Earlier at the Tour, Froome’s rivals had waited for the race leader to catch them back up when he suffered another mechanical problem, that one with his gears.”

“…catch them back up”?  

One factor in the odd phraseology is that the writers — John Leicester and Samuel Petrequin — are Englishmen. (I had to look that up to verify it.) I have never seen an American writer use the word “hare” as a verb. And maybe that “catch-them-back-up” thing is peculiarly British.

Nevertheless, whoever was editing that story down at 18th and Grand in KCMO, USA, should have edited the story so it made sense.

For the record, Froome fought back from the mishap and managed to hold onto the yellow jersey. Going into the final days of racing, Froome had an 18-second lead over Fabio Aru of Italy.

…Just like the Royals send players down to AAA Omaha sometimes, KC Star management should send the editor of the offensive Monday morning story to the minor leagues of journalism for more training. He or she needs to “catch them back up.”

**

On the Kansas City Star Bylines Facebook page, former KC Star employee Krys Reese referenced a very questionable classified ad that appeared in Monday’s paper.

It was listed as a “business oppty.” Beneath a photo of a man in a cowboy hat, the ad began like this: “American Big Money, Earn big Money Part-Time From Home Mailing our Full-Color Sales Postcards.”

It went on to say that for an investment of a mere $193 — for post cards and stamps — people could be up and running in business. Didn’t say exactly what the business was or how the investors were going to make money…In other words, it’s a scam. And somebody ought to call the cops — on The Star, for starters.

As Krys Reese said on Facebook, “McClatchy must be desperate for every cent.”

**

Many of you will remember the Missouri Transportation Department’s “Arrive Alive” campaign, which encouraged the use of defensive driving techniques to reduce wrecks.

Well, it’s time for Kansas City area residents to go beyond defensive driving and just get off area interstates as much as possible, until this current spate of highway construction projects is finished.

I’m sure many of you know by now that we had another giant, fiery, rear-end-precipitated crash yesterday — this one occurring on eastbound I-435 at U.S. 69 (Metcalf) in Overland Park. And, yes, this five-vehicle smash-up involved a tractor-trailer, as did the one that killed five people last week on I-70 near Tonganoxie.

The Star reports that in the latest crash two people were taken to hospitals, one with critical burns. The Star said it was not clear which vehicle began the chain-reaction crash.

I said the other day I’ve adjusted my driving habits to stay off area interstates as much as possible, and I urge all local residents to do the same, at least for now. There’s no place in our area you can’t get to by taking city streets and secondary highways. For now, we area residents should wave the white flag, turn the highways over to the truckers and cross-country travelers and “arrive alive” at our destinations. Believe me, we all have the time…

 

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Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments

7 Responses

  1. on July 18, 2017 at 9:12 am gayle

    “Should either have edited the story…” or what?

    I thought of you during that crash yesterday. I *hate* driving through those “jersey barriers.” Another thing you don’t have to contend with on the surface streets.


    • on July 18, 2017 at 12:36 pm jimmycsays

      I did some rewriting and failed to cut the word “either.” Thanks.


  2. on July 18, 2017 at 9:30 am Don Hoffmann

    So long as you’re talking about The Star again, may I ask– in relation to your piece about the outrageous prices charged for obituaries– whether retired employees still get free obits with free pictures ?

    I’m disinclined to submit an obit of any length at all, given that it would appear in the company of those tediously long accounts written by so many self-important persons.


    • on July 18, 2017 at 12:45 pm jimmycsays

      Well I’ll be damned…That’s a perk, of sorts, I didn’t know about, Don. I just spoke with “Roberta” in the obits dept. and she told me retired employees and their spouses get free obits up to 100 lines, plus a photo.

      Hell, I’ll be able to tell my life’s story in 100 lines! But not you; you, with all the books you’re written, will need at least 200.

      (Thanks for raising the question.)


  3. on July 18, 2017 at 2:41 pm Don Hoffmann

    Many thanks, Jim. Being a child of the Depression, I’ll help myself to anything that’s free!

    It was probably Kent, the onetime personnel manager, who told me about this
    benefit when, at the same time, he was telling me to turn in my parking permit
    for lot No. 3. (I always enjoyed coming in the back door, like the “help.”


  4. on July 18, 2017 at 6:15 pm John Altevogt

    Given all of the construction, I have found it helpful to watch some videos a friend in India posts of his motorcycle rides. His channel is called prassy rides. In India the concept of a lane is unknown and you get to share the road with bicyclists, ox carts, massive trucks, busses, cars, etc. There are other videos done by folks maneuvering through heavy city traffic in Mumbai…

    Herewith an example. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUI1TGimK58&t=13s


    • on July 18, 2017 at 6:34 pm jimmycsays

      That’s about the scariest ride I’ve ever been on…I kept thinking he was going to get killed. The only thing that made me think he probably survived is that the video probably wouldn’t exist if he had not lived to post it.



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