JimmyCsays: At the juncture of journalism and daily life in KC

I didn’t have a New Year’s resolution when I went to bed about 12:30 a.m. this morning, but before I got out of bed about 9 a.m., I had one.

The first thing I do almost every morning — while lying in bed — is check NYT’s “The Morning,” a daily feature that focuses on the biggest piece of news or, on special occasions, timely subjects about one thing or another.

Today’s piece was titled “A happier new year.”

Well, who’s not interested in that? So I dived right in. The theme of the piece was simple and obvious, and the answer to having a happier new year was right there in the first paragraph…

“For over 80 years, researchers at Harvard have studied what makes for a good life. They found one surefire, scientifically proven predictor of happiness: Developing warmer relationships.”

The piece went on to quote Jancee Dunn, a member of The Times’ “Well” desk, as saying…

“If you’re going to make one single decision that would ensure your own health and happiness, the science tells us that it should be to cultivate warm relationships of all kinds. It’s not just about having a partner. It’s in every realm of your life.”

Dunn had a few specific examples of how to cultivate more and warmer relationships, including by:

• Thinking of someone you’re grateful to (either a current friend or relative or a person from your past) and tell them why you’re grateful for them. Dunn did that by contacting her fourth-grade teacher, who had changed the course of her life by telling her she was a good writer, and it led to the teacher becoming “my substitute grandmother.”
• Striking up conversations with strangers…We’ve all experienced that. You know, you’re going about your business — maybe irritated about something or compulsively trying to accomplish a task — when somebody smiles at you and makes a casual observation or gives you a friendly greeting and immediately lifts you out of your preoccupation.

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To personalize this, it struck me that lying right next to me in the bed, still asleep, was a person who fully understands the importance of strong and warm relationships and who is always reaching out to form new ones. Patty’s circle of friends is incredibly wide and forever growing, and it’s due to the fact that she is naturally gregarious and effuses an aura of kindness that is almost impossible to resist.

Let me give you a couple of examples.

:: At our church, Country Club Christian, I frequently oversee the offering collection and the distribution of communion at the 11 a.m. service. That involves leading other volunteers and orchestrating the goings-on from the back of the church, an area called the narthex. For years, a big, burly guy named Rick has sat in the back row, left side, on the aisle. His wife Nancy sings in the choir. Rick doesn’t usually say much to the people next to him, and while he would occasionally say hello, he seemed a bit unapproachable. So I made no effort to break the ice. Then, a few months ago Patty went on a church mission trip to Ecuador, and two of the people on it were Rick and Nancy. On that trip, which lasted a week, Patty and Rick — and Nancy to a lesser extent — struck up a friendship. The first Sunday after that trip, Rick gave me a big smile from his customary seat and said, “Is Patty coming today?” Then he told he how much he had enjoyed being around her and getting to know her in Ecuador. Now, every time we see them, Patty gets a big hug from Rick and I, by extension, have a developing relationship with a man and woman I never expected to get to know very well.

:: During Christmas week, when our son Charlie was in town, the four of us — including daughter Brooks — went to an annual party held by longtime friends who have children about Brooks’ and Charlie’s ages. A lot of the people at that party have known each other since our children went to Visitation School together in the 1990s. It’s always an eclectic group, however, because the host and hostess tend to “adopt” people who are new to town or are just in need of more human connections. A young woman at the party was one such adoptee — having come from Alabama a couple of years ago to work at the same company as our host. We met the young woman and one of us noted at some point that she had lost most of her southern accent. “If you want to hear a deep southern accent,” she said, “talk to my father.” She pointed to a gray-haired man seated nearby wearing silver-framed glasses. Beside him was his wife, a woman with long black hair and black-framed glasses. After a while, Patty noticed that the couple was not talking with anyone and said, “Come on. Let’s go talk to them.” We approached them and introduced ourselves, and in short order we were deep in conversation about them and the South, particularly their hometown, Montgomery, which we have become somewhat familiar with as we’ve traveled to and from Florida in recent winters. We talked with them for at least half an hour, after which the man — I believe his name was Jeff — thanked us profusely for coming up and talking to them. A while later, as they were about to walk out the front door, I hustled over to tell them goodbye. Once again Jeff thanked me for us having approached him and his wife…It was clear we had given them a good Midwestern welcome and had put them at ease, and it was all because of Patty’s gesture of goodwill.

…So, my New Year’s resolution is straightforward: Be more like Patty so I too can cultivate more and warmer relationships.

I urge you readers to do the same: Follow the lead of someone you know who’s like Patty, or just strike out on your own. You’re almost guaranteed to at least meet some interesting people, and chances are you’ll make new friends.

At the end, when we’re lying under the sheet, toes up, there will be be few things more important than how many friends we have made and how good our relationships have been.