Well, it was the biggest blogging blowout of the year last night…Yes, I’m talking about Hearne Christopher Jr.’s annual “KC Confidential Christmas Wilding.”
I was lucky enough to be invited. In fact, Hearne, owner and operator of the wildly successful blog site kcconfidential.com, called me in the afternoon to make sure I was coming. Told him I wouldn’t miss it.
This year, as some of you undoubtedly know, Hearne had to move the party from Jardine’s to the Uptown, reason being that Jardine’s ran into a spot o’ trouble last year (including not paying the help) and closed. Boy, Hearne loved that place, and he threw some pretty, pretty wild parties there. Didn’t hurt that for a while he dated the owner, Crazy Beena. (I never met her myself, but Hearne told me a few stories.)
Just like Jardine’s, the thing with Beena didn’t end so well, and, all in all, it’s best that Beena went her way and Hearne lived to host another Christmas wilding somewhere else.
Hearne is close friends with the Uptown’s owner, Larry Sells, who got the place for a song (or even a phrase) 20 or more years ago when he was a commissioner on the Jackson County Land Trust. (Sells, a ne’er-do-well lawyer, got off the commission after he made off with the object of his eye, the venerable theater.)
So, it was fitting that Hearne would have his party at the Uptown — “Doors 5 p.m.” — and he had the usual array of local celebs and brilliant writers.
Hearne Christopher and Bill Nigro
Those on hand included Westport impresario Bill Nigro; lawyer Harris Wilder — he of the large smile and ebullient personality; Roger Naber, promoter of the Legendary Rhythm and Blues Cruises; some KC Confidential writers, including Brandon Leftridge and Jack Poessiger; KSHB-TV weekend assignment editor Rick Hellman; and the one and only advertising and public relations guru Tracy Thomas — the beloved “TT.”
But back to the party…The only thing that struck me as odd was that it was absolutely devoid of “hotties.” For those of you who don’t know what “hotties” are — in KC Confidential lexicon, anyway — they are attractive, sometimes-cheap-looking, curvaceous women. Hearne’s classification of hotties has run the gamut, from strippers to Kansas City Star publisher Mi-Ai Parrish.
(The day that McClatchy Co. announced the appointment of Parrish, in June 2011, Hearne gushed on his blog, “Blessed mother of god, they hired a hottie!”)
In fact, I can’t recall Hearne having written about “hotties” in recent months. Perhaps Hearne’s aura of fame and wealth is slipping, or maybe his new (and considerably younger) wife Kimberly Christopher gave the hotties the heave-ho. (Kimberly had not arrived at the party by the time I left, but she would definitely fall into the hottie category.)
When I pointed out the conspicuous void to Hearne, he responded with a shrug and a rare moment of silence. Didn’t even try to fabricate an excuse.
I guess marriage has slowed the old boy down.
JimmyCsays: At the juncture of journalism and daily life in KC 
Fitz,
There are only two kinds – a good ole biggun’ and a big ole godun’ even in Kansas…where the best thing is still I-70!
Merry Christmas Fitz, Hearne and all!
Larry
Having been out earlier in the day (Wednesday) at the Brooksider with the gray-haired men and women who sit around the long wooden table, drink in hand, and reminisce about better days at The Star, better days for the Chiefs, better days for the Royals, etc., etc., I didn’t feel like getting back out, especially in light of the weather forecast for the balance of the day. This time next year (if the world doesn’t end tomorrow) I’ll probably be living at City Union Mission (just kidding … maybe), so if they’ll save a bed for me that evening I’ll make a real effort to get to the Wilding. Too bad there weren’t many “wild things” there last night. I could really use one, especially if she knows a thing or two about plumbing. I have met Rick Hellman through the K.C. Press Club, and I have always admired Tracy Thomas’s work in radio advertising. And, of course, I’m a regular reader of both your blogs, Jim, and those that appear on KC Confidential. Sounds like “a good time was had by all” as those homey little handwritten notes from the social club secretaries always seemed to end when I was working at the small-town paper.
Editor’s note: OK, readers, I gotta confess that I’m a softie. A person who is mentioned in the post and about whom I inserted a couple of flattering paragraphs has been imploring me since early this morning to delete the parts about her for personal reasons. At first, I resisted, because I saw nothing in the post that could be a problem for her.
She is convinced that the “publicity” could be a problem, however, and so I have bowed to her request to delete what she regarded as problematic.
Like I said earlier, Love ya, TT.
Fitz, a wilding does not begin at 5:00 pm and end at 7:30 pm. A true WILDING would end at 7:30 AM the next morning! It would include sex, drugs and Caligula-like debauchery. I’m sure drugs were discussed though; Cialis, Levitra, Viagra, Plavix and Avodart.
Hotties, the domain of the toupee wearing, steroid and testosterone enhanced Craig Glazer, is a relative term at KCC. From Black Barbie the scum hither stripper fluent in Ebonics, to the local “porn star” that brought her son to a ménage a tois, various and sundry “muffintops” and the coup de grace, the “19 year old” that got taken out for ice cream.
And nothing sets off the mysogynist alarm like a man marrying many, many years his younger. As the saying goes, the problem with youth is that it is wasted on the young. Sometimes it is wasted on the old. Capiche?
Smartman — As usual, your points are well taken, but let me remind you I was merely the “Scribe” at the event and would never dare comment about possible drug use, old men hiding under toupees, porn stars, strippers or a man marrying a woman “many years his younger.”
By the way, I looked up “tois,” because the usual construction is “trois,” but “tois” apparently was the original, French usage, according to the Urban Dictionary.
U.D. also offers this variation:
“Matt-a-tois”: Having engaged in sexual acts with 3 different men named Matt at the same time.
I’m pretty sure that didn’t happen at the party.
P.S. Thanks for commenting, Smartman, I was beginning to think no one was interested.
Correction appreciated Fitz. My bad. Trois is correct. As an homage to my Catholic Nun School Teachers I will write Trois is correct 100 times on the blackboard and then select some form of flagellation for 20 minutes. And of course, no recess today.
Crisis!!!!!! I just discovered that the Credo hygrometer in humidor #3 has been showing a false positive 72% for some time it would appear based on the hearing test. In triage now with distilled water, cotton balls and Tupperware reviving my smokes.
Oh, oh, this could be a very sour Christmas unless the humidor can be resuscitated…I let Tom Foster keep mine, whenever I buy by the box, in his humidor at Fidel’s. They did manage to dry them out one time, but Foster hired a good manager, Scott, and I’ve had no more problems with dried-out cigars.
(I’m giving you a pass on the penance since U.D. puts its blessing on “tois.”)
It’s humidor #3, stocked mostly with the Cuban Sandwich from Mikes Cigars. Very inexpensive, mild smoke. Box of 25 is under $30.00. Great daily smoke. Only out of respect for the tradition and legacy of cigar smoking do I try to save them. Will celebrate Christmas this year with a Montecristo White Rothchilde.
Regarding being hitched to a younger woman, “There’s nothing uglier than an old white woman.” Redd Foxx. And Rick Hellman? Why would any credible news gathering organization hire some one that far,far left (except that seems to be the standard these days)?