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Best of “The Smartman” — a.k.a. Marti Dolinar

July 29, 2013 by jimmycsays

If you read the obits in The Kansas City Star, you know that family members, in preparing obituaries for the deceased, usually strive to capture the essence of the person. That is, what he or she excelled out, where he or she made his or her mark.

Frequently, it comes down to something like this…”Above all, he (she) loved his (her) family and was a devoted father (mother) and spouse. He (she) took his (her) greatest joy in spending time with family members.”

That is well and good. But I think that most of us want to be remembered for something other than being loving, loyal family members. Don’t the vast majority of us strive to make some kind of mark outside the home? Something that people will remember us by?

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Marti Dolinar
Photos courtesy of Sherri Parker

Marti Dolinar, who died last Wednesday from an infection run amok, was such a person. He was seeking to do something that would allow him to sit back and say, “I’ve done something special here.” And he managed to do just that, in his role as The Smartman, a regular commenter on this and other blogs. He was consistently witty, outrageous, insightful and combative. He gave me and other commenters a target to shoot at. And he liked that.

One of his best catches was on a post I put up on Thursday, July 18, just six days before he died. Always a cheerleader for the Power & Light District, I giddily cited a KC Star story quoting a Downtown Council survey reporting that 13.4 million people had visited downtown last year — compared with 2.5 million in 2012.

The Smartman weighed in early the next morning, saying:  “If you take 13.4 million visitors per year divided by 365 days in a year, that averages out to 36,712 visitors per day. Explain that? Are we counting everyone that works downtown as a daily ‘visitor’? ”

That stopped me cold. I e-mailed the fellow at the Downtown Council who was in charge of the so-called “self-reported” survey but didn’t hear back. Then I e-mailed the writer of the story, Kevin Collison, and asked him about it, especially what the term “self-reported” meant. Collison said that the individual venues, such as Sprint Center, Gordon Biersch, the Bristol, Johnny’s Tavern, etc., submitted their numbers to the Downtown Council, and the council simply compiled and reported them.

That changed the whole complexion of the “survey” and essentially discredited it.

The exchange between me and The Smartman prompted “Chuck,” who has been the second most prolific commenter on this blog, to say, “Hell of a nice catch, Smarty.”

And now, to send Marti along on his eternal journey, I want to give him the floor, once again…Here are some classic comments that The One and Only Smartman penned on this blog the last few years.

***

:: July 11, 2013, in response to a facetious rant in which I said I was “sick and tired of playing second fiddle to this guy The Smartman.”

Fitz, at best I am Ed McMahon to your Johnny Carson, Keith to your Mick, (Lewis) Diuguid to your Hemingway……that may be a bit extreme……but I remain your humble commenter.

:: July 10, 2013, on whether Kansas City should build a new single terminal at KCI:

I’d get more on board with a new airport if it served any real purpose other than stroking the Slyborg’s ego. (Slyborg is Mayor Sly James.) It will not improve tourism, convention business, or anything for that matter…At this point, with all the other social, operational and mechanical problems we have, $1.2 billion is just insane. The majority of that burden will fall on the local business traveler, not so much (on) inbound and departing tourists or business travelers. As time goes on more and more people will use Skype or Go To Meeting as option one for business meetings versus business travel. In the big scheme of things we are porcine in KC. We don’t need a new pig pen, just some fresh mud.

 :: July 9, 2013, on a series of photos I posted from a recent trip to Los Angeles:

Ah, Fitz, welcome back, your pictures brought a warm smile to my face. Glad you enjoyed your trip. Hope you enjoyed the Reagan Library. Every time I think of my visit there, sitting in the final exhibit that shows the video from the funeral I well up with tears. Got to get back their soon.

:: Also July 9, 2013, on my account of going to an upscale Los Angeles restaurant filled with beautiful people:

I discovered a long time ago that when dining in LA, there are no ugly people.

:: July 1, 2013, on a post about the last words of convicts being executed in Texas:

I think upon my death I’ll have a website launched with my last lecture. It will start with, “To all of you idiots that voted for Barack Obama in 2008 and 2012.”

:: March 10, 2012, on a post that included a photo of our 25-year-old daughter, Brooks:

I’m assuming that your daughter got her good looks from her mother.

:: Jan. 18, 2012, on a response I had made to one of his comments:

One more thing. I’m not sure whether you complimented or insulted me, Fitz. I’m calling it a draw. Remind me not to send you a Christmas card again next year.

:: Dec. 1, 2011, on a post highlighting some of Chicago’s landmarks:

Fitz, Portillo’s is to Chicago what Gates and Bryant’s are to KC. Not the healthiest place to eat, but the dogs, ribs and Italian beef are BIBLICALLY good. The downtown location is as good of a place to people watch as Central Park or Venice Beach.

:: Oct. 30, 2011, recounting a chance meeting with former KCTV-5 anchorwoman Anne Peterson:

I was 18 at the time. She was covering the funeral of KCK Commissioner Tom Lally. As I approached her she smiled sweetly at me. For one of the few times in my life I was positively speechless. She moved on. I was frozen in time like a pillar of salt at the intersection of Sodom and Gomorrah. To have that moment over again. What might have been? I do think I’ve aged better than her so perhaps it’s all for the best.

:: Aug. 27, 2011, on my equivocation about using the F-word to describe my frustration at John Covington having resigned unexpectedly as Kansas City school superintendent:

With all due respect to your wife (who had succeeded in urging me to remove the word), put the F BOMB back. There are times, even in polite and civilized journalistic discourse that it is required to drive home a point. This is one of those times.

***

Today, Marti’s funeral is being held at St. John the Baptist Catholic Church on Strawberry Hill in Kansas City, Kan.  He was 52 and, for most of his life, made his living selling plastic packaging. He lived in the Brookside area with his girlfriend, Sherri Parker.

As his obit (published in Saturday’s Kansas City Star) said: “He had an overwhelming enthusiasm for life and a clever sense of humor.”

Amen.

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Posted in Uncategorized | 19 Comments

19 Responses

  1. on July 29, 2013 at 6:20 am John Blakeney

    Nicely done.


    • on July 29, 2013 at 8:46 am jimmycsays

      Good to hear from our Ecuadorian correspondent…The Smartman touched someone a continent away.


  2. on July 29, 2013 at 7:30 am kaler

    “like a pillar of salt at the intersection of Sodom and Gomorrah”


    • on July 29, 2013 at 8:42 am jimmycsays

      The man could turn a phrase like no one else.


  3. on July 29, 2013 at 9:34 am laura hockaday

    Great tribute to Marti, Jim.
    He would have enjoyed it and appreciated it.
    Best,
    Laura


    • on July 29, 2013 at 9:49 am jimmycsays

      Thanks, Laura…I appreciate your support and encouragement.


  4. on July 29, 2013 at 11:02 am John Altevogt

    Very good. You did him proud. Bon voyage, Smarty.


    • on July 29, 2013 at 11:14 am jimmycsays

      Appreciate the nod, John…You, he and Chuck comprised the great (conservative) triumvirate. I’m going to miss his lashings.


  5. on July 29, 2013 at 11:52 am chuck

    That was great, Fitz. Really.

    That guy was the funniest guy in KC.

    Thanks!


  6. on July 29, 2013 at 2:26 pm jimmycsays

    Did you know him, Chuck?


    • on July 29, 2013 at 3:16 pm chuck

      No, not at all. Never in any way other than his posts.

      I was just another fan.


  7. on July 29, 2013 at 4:07 pm jimmycsays

    If done right, blogging can be akin to having a bunch of pen pals, can’t it?


  8. on July 29, 2013 at 5:20 pm Larry Luper

    Fitz,
    I would have enjoyed the opportunity to meet The Smartman.
    Hopefully we will meet in some way up there.
    The support from other readers is nice too.
    Nice job.
    Larry Luper


  9. on July 29, 2013 at 5:53 pm Rick Nichols

    Jim, that was a wonderful tribute to someone I didn’t know in the flesh (only online) but whose authenticity and tenacity I couldn’t help but admire even if I didn’t always agree with his views. And he and I, having now seen his obituary, shared the same birthday separated by just a few years, so he’ll always occupy a soft spot in my heart. May perfect bliss be his at the intersection of Truth and Knowledge. So long, Smartman!


  10. on July 29, 2013 at 6:09 pm jimmycsays

    Felicitous turn of phrase there, Rick — “at the intersection of Truth and Knowledge.”

    I can’t believe The Smartman has been snatched away.


  11. on July 29, 2013 at 7:56 pm chuck

    Hey Fitz, I saved a couple of smarty’s posts, but of course lost them. This was a reply to a column on Greg Hall’s site concerning the NCAA, athletes’ agents, etc, etc.

    The Smartman says:
    March 21, 2013 at 7:15 pm

    Oh yeah, well sometimes I write my hypocritical drivel in other places too. So there, nana, nana, boo-boo.

    And, yeah, I do actually give a crap. First off all these “pricks” are picked like cotton off the mean streets of Bed Stuy, Compton, East STL and other “hoods” at age 9 and coddled because they already have a 36″ vertical leap and a YouTube video doing a rim cracking 540 at the local yute center. For the next 9 years they will be indirectly and intentionally mis-managed and excused for bad behavior by the Basketball Industrial Complex and a posse of mentors looking for a payday. At least in the EU when Futbol Clubs take your kids away they basically guarantee the parents or guardians that if the foot fairy thing doesn’t work out the kid will get a WORLD CLASS EDUCATION. Hell, even the Chinese guarantee their best athletes work for life in a concentration camp when things don’t go according to the five year plan.

    The players unions ain’t exactly the NEA or Da’ Teamsters. Kids would get better representation as defendants in Taliban Court than they get from the NBAPA, NFLPA, et al.

    So even before Jarmaynard is enrolled in Sand Volleyball 101 he has been tragically failed by a half dozen public institutions that are supposed to educate and protect him and probably three dozen individuals lookin for anything from some crack, to a 60″ flat screen, to that elusive six-figure “administrative assistant” job that requires no education or previous experience.

    The system is broken. Everybody knows it. FIX IT! It’s not that hard. If the little pricks can memorize the lyrics to 42 different rap songs, break down 16 levels of the local Crips Gang clicks and sets and know how many grams are in a kilo, they can learn about iambic pentameter, Pythagorean Theorem and the power of compounding interest.

    How fuckin awesome was that guy?

    :)


  12. on July 29, 2013 at 7:59 pm chuck

    EU Futbol Foot Fairies.

    Heh, heh…


  13. on July 29, 2013 at 8:36 pm jimmycsays

    Hi-larious! If he’d lived long enough and held on to his comments, he probably could have assembled them into an award-winning book.


  14. on August 2, 2013 at 2:39 am L

    I knew Marti personally. He loved Reagan and truly had a heart of gold.



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